Ted's Jokes Archives - IBS Engineering Supplies & Innovative Solutions

Ted’s Jokes – The Christmas Edition

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, […]

Ted’s Jokes – Reunions, encounters, and more!

I bumped into an old school friend at the store today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports cars. Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see […]

Ted’s Jokes – Death by beer

Death by beer Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day , he just wasn’t paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man’s […]

Puns – They’re pun-tastic!

Kick off April with some puns, they’re pun-tastic! I have decided to give away all my dead batteries today so if anyone wants them they are…… Free of charge I had a weird dream last night that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted. I’ve got a very lucrative job clearing leaves. I’m raking […]

Vacation

Bo tells Jed, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.” “Well, what are you going to do, then?” Jed asks. “Three years ago you said to take a vacation to […]

The Blonde Cup of Coffee

A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, “Ouch, that hurts!” The doctor said, “I know your problem.” The blonde asked, […]

New Years Dream

New Years Dream Jenna was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Dave, her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?” “Aha, you’ll know tonight,” answered Dave . […]

Prenatal Class

The prenatal class room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise if good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass […]

HR and The Engineer

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the University of Queensland, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a […]

Ted’s Jokes – For the love of chicken

Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”   She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.   My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.  I told my dad what happened, and he […]

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