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Ted’s Jokes – Short and Curlies 2

There was this Irish man who went to a massage parlour.  Out the front was a sign that said BYO – so he went home and got the missus.


This chap was drinking in the pub with his wife.  Near closing time, he said “ I think you’ve had enough.”

“What do you mean?” asked his indignant wife.

“Your face is getting blurred!”


A man and a woman were lying in bed after making love with each other for the first time.  “Do you always smoke after making love?” he asked.

“I dunno,” she replied.  “I’ve never looked!”


Do you know why Humpty Dumpty isn’t falling off the wall these days?
Well, it seems that he’s got a girlfriend up there, and he’s knocking her off instead!”


A man visited his doctor and said he wanted to have a vasectomy.

“It’s a big decision,” the doctor said.

“Have you discussed it with your family?”

“Yes, I have,” the man replied.

“And what did your family think of the idea?”

The man answered: “Ten were in favour, four were against.”

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